Let Them Be Little

This weekend was filled with a lot of football.  Saturday was all about USC football with the boy.  We ventured out to the desert (aka Riverside) to hang out with some friends to watch the Steelers vs. Raiders game.  But what I took out of this weekend wasn't that I'm a really good girlfriend to go watch all of these football games (which I do enjoy, by the way).  No, what I realized more and more was what kind of kids I want.

I realize I might have lost you there.  There's not a clear connection between football and children, especially when you throw in a tailgate or two along the way.  But, my dear friends, let me show you how this is done.

While watching USC win, there were two brothers sitting in front of us.  I'd peg them at about ages five and three (or younger) and they were THE cutest.  Both were geared up in USC red and gold from head to toe; my favorite were the ears sticking out from under the too-big baseball caps.  I was skeptical of the parents at first.  The mom had her nose pierced like a bull and had a half-shaved head with crazy-big earrings.  I totally judged.  But the boys put my judgement to shame.  They were extremely well-behaved and I could tell that they genuinely loved each other by their actions.  The older brother would push the little brother back into his seat if he got too close to the edge.  They shared a water bottle.  The older boy pointed out the airplane because he knew his brother would get a kick out of it.  They didn't cry.  They didn't scream.  They weren't running around.  But they were still happy, funny, friendly kids.  So I have to give mad props to the parents for the way those boys were acting; I'm sure it's not easy raising two young boys.

Take-away lesson number one: Raise kids who know how to behave in public but still have fun.

On Sunday I had the pleasure of hanging out with two little girls who are six and three.  They reminded me so much of me and my sister; they played really, really well together.  They spoke the same language and fed off of each other's enthusiasm.  They were so creative!  At one point, I found myself in a "doctor's waiting room" with an un-diagnosed illness.  After that, we were at a crazy dance party.  And then, of course, they had to take me to the yoga show.  

My favorite part of the day, though, was when they were running around in the backyard (which was mostly dirt and rocks) barefoot.  They weren't worried about their feet getting dirty or stepping on painful stones.  They were having too much fun showing me their chickens and swing set.  This struck a chord in me.  Most of our backyard growing up was gravel and although the first couple of steps out there always stung a bit, once your feet got used to it, the darkening sky at the end of the night was the only thing holding you back from a whole day of playing.  

Take-away lesson number two: Teach girls that it is perfectly acceptable to be dirty and running barefoot is freeing. 

These are obviously only two things that I hope to instill in my children.  But it's so good to see that children can grow up without iPads or distractions from their parents (which I didn't see at all this weekend).  Kids can be kids.  That's what I want. 

An Educational Shift

I am a nerd, therefore I like NPR.  My favorite part of public radio, though, is the once-weekly show, This American Life.  It is a long-form radio show that touches upon a wide array of topics.  The most recent show, entitled "Back to School" was mind-blowing.

This is the synopsis of the show that is posted on This American Life's website: As kids and teachers head back to school, we wanted to turn away from questions about politics and unions and money and all of the regular stuff people argue about, and turn to something more optimistic - an emerging theory about what to teach kids, from Paul Tough's new book, "How Children Succeed". 

I would hope that everyone reading this would listen to the show because it is hard to write a really good synopsis that includes ALL of the topics they touch upon.  But I will point out a few highlights that I found extremely interesting.

* When telling middle school girls "scientists have found that you can improve your intelligence" on a regular basis, studies show that those girls, who have often "fallen apart" when it comes to math, catch up to their boy counterparts in that subject.  They close the gap and perform at the same level as boys; the girl's average math test scores were the same as the boy's average math test scores.  Telling students they can improve their intelligence changes the mindset of these kids.  They are learning resilience and optimism.  That alone can change test scores. Holy cow!

* Kids who have "attached parents" - those parents who empathize with their children and comfort them during stressful situations - are more socially confident and successful later in their lives.  They're better at dealing with other people and picking themselves up after setbacks.  It seems like common sense.  But for those kids who don't have attached parents, they don't have those non-cognitive skills and therefore don't do well in school (focusing on non-cognitive skills is the premise of most of the show).  Teaching parents how to be empathetic and connect with their children can help those children later on in school.  Studies show that having an empathetic parent who can be supportive during stressful times (poverty-stricken childhoods, domestic abuse situations, etc.) can reverse the effects that those stressful situations create.  Potentially changing a child's life is as simple as teaching his or her parent how to be empathetic and supportive, something that can help even the poorest of the poor. Again, holy cow!

I truly believe that education is one of THE MOST important things in a person's life.  But here's where I often stray from other's beliefs.  I believe that money doesn't have to buy education.  My sister and I went to public schools from kindergarten to the day we got our high school diplomas.  She went on to get a bachelor's degree from Stanford University and I received a bachelor's degree from Colorado State University and a master's from Stanford University. We didn't go to some fancy pants boarding school and my parents didn't splurge on overpriced tutors.  Instead of those things, we had them, our parents.

I know that our parents were the driving force behind our successes academically.  From practically the beginning, they read to us every single night.  They asked us questions. They encouraged us to ask questions (my mom would always send us off to school saying, "Ask good questions").  They took us places.  They let us experience things.  They expanded our minds.  They talked to us like adults.  They pushed us (but not too hard). They built our confidence.

We went to rural public schools that didn't have the highest achievement records in the state and we could have drifted through. While I can't give all of the credit to my parents (my sister and I took upper-level high school classes and were involved in a lot of activities), without them, who knows where we would have been.  

I'm not saying teachers aren't important.  And I'm not saying that parents can do it all on their own.  But what I am saying, and what the This American Life show describes, is it is clear that outside forces beyond what we learn in the classrooms affect how we learn and how we succeed.