Texts from a Horrible Day

I rolled over and grabbed my phone, just like I do every morning.  Today was different.  There were three news notifications staring back at me: 14 dead in Aurora. Gunman opens fire in packed movie theater.

Shocked.  It literally took me a second to decipher what I was reading.  Aurora.  Colorado.

And then my heart stopped.  My best friend was originally from Aurora.  There was no way she had been at that theater, I told myself.  She had moved across town into a new apartment.  She couldn't be there.  For my selfish reasons, I willed her not to be at that theater.

"Are you ok?"  A simple text message, one that I found fairly easy to send but as I sat there looking at it, realized it scared the living daylights out of me.  I couldn't wait for the answer ... I had to get out of the house.

My mind flitted from this thought to that thought as I walked the dog.  I felt angry and then sad.  And then I felt guilty because it was so beautiful here in Southern California.  And then I felt angry at myself for feeling guilty because in all honesty, I wasn't involved in this horrific attack.  I hadn't pulled the trigger.  I hadn't booby-trapped my apartment.

But of course, I was involved. 

"Yes, wasn't there.  Thank god." I received that text and suddenly, my sight became a little clearer, my heart, a little lighter.

It still affected me, though.  As I read through Facebook post after Facebook post, countless tweets and a blow-by-blow account found on Reddit, I felt worse and worse.  I couldn't concentrate at work.  My mind again flitted from this thought to that thought, always settling on the idea that a human being had done this to 71 other human beings.  I had this feeling of complete and utter sadness at how people treat each other.

I have no closing cliches or big-picture thoughts.  I will continue to read coverage of this horrible situation from the people on the ground who watch as bomb-sniffing dogs come out of the shooter's apartment and from people who are much more verbose and eloquent and able to connect all of the dots.  And I will send texts like this.

"I love you."



For continuing coverage, check out The Denver Post - they are doing an awesome job on getting tons of information out to the public.

Come Live in My Heart

From InspiredMess

 
While in a meeting, my boss posed the question, what's most important to you and why?  He said it was a hard question and that the answer shouldn't come right away - it was one of those prompts that require brewing (or is it stewing?).

I found this to be a ridiculously easy question and my answer came soon after I started thinking about it.

Love is what is most important, after all.  And don't fall into the trap of thinking that "love" means what happens between two adult people who want to spend their whole lives together.   That's only part of it.  Think of how each of those balloons makes up your heart - there are so many opportunities to show your true love and grow your heart.

Appreciate yourself for all of the things that you as a person can accomplish, can feel and can brave.  Loving yourself and every part of what makes you a unique individual is the foundation for other people loving you.

Taking pleasure in being pushed and challenged means that you will appreciate the outcome when you can raise your hands over your head and say, "I totally and completely conquered that and I loved every second of it."

Revel in simple, quiet moments when the world is spinning right on its axis.  You will love how perfect your life is at that exact second.  And don't ever be ashamed of feeling good about how well your life is progressing. 

Learn how to love each person that you encounter.  You don't have to like each and every part of them, but understand their good qualities.  Everyone has a talent or a gift, you just have to seek it out.  

Give of yourself, for in that sacrifice, you are loving. Period.

Don't be afraid to find a soul mate.  Don't be afraid to open your heart.  Don't be afraid that love will hurt.  Because it will.  But it will also be amazing.  So very amazing...

It's ok to be in love with things.  Like you iPad.  Or your cute shoes.  Or your favorite book.  Just don't show them more lovin' than special people in your life.

Speaking of those peeps - if they are in your life, they deserve all of the love that springs from your heart.  Remind them, tell them, shout at them; whatever it takes, make sure they know how much they mean to you.

Just remember, without love, babies wouldn't be born.  Without love, there wouldn't be BFFs.  Without love, we wouldn't have people dedicating their lives to great causes.  It's a really simple thing to do, once you boil down all of the unnecessary clutter of the fake stuff. 

“Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.”
--Samuel Lover           

One Day at a Time

"The only way to live happily ever after is to do it one day at a time."
 -- Unknown


As of tomorrow, I will have lived 9,125 days here on this earth. 

Over 9,000 days.

That's a whole ton of sunrises and sunsets, of breakfasts and lunches, of ice cream cones and barefoot miles.

That's more tears than I can count, more hugs that have warmed my body and kisses that have made my soul soar.

In that amount of time, I have lived in four different states six different times (seems like I can't get away from the southwest).  I have cycled countless miles along the beach and up in the mountains.  My face has gotten sunburned and windburned and eaten by mosquitoes (don't ask).  

Looking back over more than 9,000 days is mind boggling.  So much has happened in those days.  So much has changed, whether it is my hair style, my shoe size or the boy who is holding my hand.  And yet, so much has stayed the course. My parents have loved me every single day, regardless of what I did in the 24 hours before or the 24 hours after.  I know that just like the sun will come up, they will love me.  That is a gift that not everyone can say they have.

I met my favorite person around day 824.  Even today, at the 9,124th day, and again in another 9,000 days, she will be the bestest sister a girl could ever wish for, or even have the gall to ask for.

Around day 8,245, I was a graduate for the third time in my life.  Wait, do I count kindergarten and 8th grade graduation in that?  Hmmmm...probably not.  Three times I have gotten up on a stage when my name was read, reveling in the feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction, finality and beginnings, while also being scared out of my ever-loving mind.  I have become an educated woman who is constantly wondering, asking and learning.  I don't know exactly when babies become curious beings, but I am still as curious now as I was that day.







I lost my grandpa around the 6,390th day.  That was one of a handful of truly, deeply, heart-wrenchingly sad days of my time here. I have been blessed to have lived, so far, an extremely happy life, one that hasn't been hidden under rain clouds or despair.

Between days 8,925 and today, I fell in love and have given my heart, fully, to another human being.  Hopefully there are more days that feel like these in my future.






 

I became responsible for a life somewhere in the 8,000's.  Every day has been a learning experience: Dogs like to chew carpet.  Dogs like to pee on carpet.  Carpet starts to smell after being peed on too many times.  Dogs like to lick you.  Dogs eat a lot of food.  Dogs need a ton of exercise.  Dogs are truly wo(man)'s best friend. 





People always say, "Man, am I old," in reference to themselves.  And in some cases, it's justified...if you're 89 years old and have lived a full life.  But don't tell me that at the age of 28 or 34, you can truly call yourself old.  Sure, you might be 10,220 days into life, or even 12,410 days.  But what is that compared to 32,485 days.

32,485 days.  89 years. 

That's what I'm striving for (and more).  I want each and every one of those days to combine together to make a happily ever after.  I'm already a third of the way there, and think of all I have experienced up 'til now.  

Here's to tomorrow...and the next day...and the next...

Being Left in the Dust

In high school, your friends are everything.  Sneaking out of class isn't fun if you do it by yourself.  Having sleepovers aren't the same if you're just sleeping over with your sister at your own house.  Passing periods are boring if you go straight from you locker to class.  Friends are your lifeblood and you swear up and down (and on every yearbook) that you will always be friends.  How could you ever make new friends and leave these ones behind?  The new friends won't know your history...they won't know you.

Of course, we all know that life happens.  You head to different colleges and while you try your darndest to stay in touch, there are just too many new things to experience at school that your daily calls get cut down to once a week.  Sure, you might see each other at home when you go back for Christmas.  But in spending time together during the holidays, you realize that somehow, even though you promised, something has changed.  It could be you.  It could be her.  In fact, it's probably a combination of both, even though you might think that you are still the same down-to-earth person you were when you left.  Don't kid yourself.  You are nothing like you were when you graduated from high school.

It's interesting how your friends become acquaintances and then how those acquaintances become people who your mom gives you updates on periodically because she sees her mom at the grocery store and politely asks what's new with the family.  Suddenly, you have no idea who that girl is that you were BFFs with.  She's married or still searching for love, but doing so without telling you every tidbit of her life, every secret that she can't tell anyone else.

The sad part?  You still want a remnant of what you used to have.  You seriously try your hardest to maintain a relationship - at the very basic level, a phone call every few months would suffice.  But suddenly, all you remember of her voice is what you hear on her voice mail message when you inevitably get it for the fifth time.  And suddenly, the sixth time doesn't come as easily, and you hesitate when you hear her voice...maybe this time, you won't say hello.

I don't know whether you were the one kicking up the dust or the one choking on it's gritty taste.  But maybe, just maybe, you remember that friend who helped you get dressed for prom or hugged you when you got a bad test score.  And maybe, just maybe, you'll want to pick up your smartphone during lunch and give her a buzz.  Or send her a text.  Or just let her know you're thinking of her.  And you remember what you used to have.  Because that's all she's looking for...some recognition that what you used to have wasn't just in her imagination.

If I Just Lay Here, Will You Lie With Me?

(Quick note: I am thinking about making my Monday posts about music.  Music Mondays...very cliche, I know.  But I kind of like the idea of easing into Monday with some tunes.)

There are some songs that, regardless of where or when you hear them, whether it's a snippet or the whole song, you are immediately transported back to a specific point in your life.  That is the magic of music.  Here are two songs that teleport me back to 2005....Fort Collins, CO...to a simpler time in life.

In the fall of 2005, I ventured out into the wide world of college at Colorado State University.  I was about as green as they come, but was lucky enough to have met my very best friend the first day I was there.  Meaghan and I were inseparable after that.


These songs became semi-anthems that year.  We watched (and fell in love with Grey's Anatomy).  We went to see The Fray perform in our arena way before they became the national sensation that they are today.  We spent late nights talking & watching movies.  We went to basketball games, football games, volleyball games.  We went to dorm craft nights & cookie-decorating nights.  You name it, we probably did it.

We were so carefree then.  We didn't have to worry about bills or rent.  We could go to class if we wanted to, but with that, the realization that if we didn't want to, we didn't have to.  We learned about ourselves and about others and that relationships are hard, but definitely worth fighting for and cultivating if they are good.

I can't believe that this week, classes are starting at CSU.  Another year of freshman are moving into the dorms, hanging up movie posters & figuring out where their classes are.  Six years ago, that was me.  My, how times have changed.  CSU is still there, but there are more buildings.  Grey's Anatomy is still on, but it doesn't have the same draw as it used to (we never missed an episode back then).  I'm living and working in L.A., while Meaghan is living and working in Denver.  We're grown-ups now.

One thing, though, that remains a constant...Meaghan's friendship.  And the memories that flood my mind when I hear those two songs.

See Ya Later, Buddy

My friend Matt is leaving California for good this weekend.  I only met him about a year and a half ago when he came to work at Creators Syndicate.  His college buddy (who hired me) urged him to come out and join the company.  Matt drove cross-country in his little red Jeep Liberty all by himself.  He was going to make a new life for himself in the sunny state.

Matt is one of those people who is really, really easy to get along with.  He literally doesn't have a dramatic bone in his body and probably wouldn't hurt a fly.  It is with these amazing qualities that we became friends over invoice lunches and staff meetings, and even more so, over dinners and drinks.  His super-sharp wit and dorky sense of humor would make everyone at the table chuckle...it was hard not to.

Sadly, Matt's family experienced a huge, unexpected loss in the last two months.  Although he didn't talk about it much when he got back, I could tell that it forever changed him and affected him each day.  With family ties weighing on his mind, Matt decided he needed to move back to New Hampshire.  I understand it is something he feels he needs to do, but it is always hard to say goodbye to a good friend.

We're throwing Matt a going-away party this weekend and it will for sure be filled with lots of laughs.  Because, how else can we send someone all the way across the country? It's the least we can do.