I Hate This Place

A few weeks ago, I found myself in the worst place a runner can be - a no-running rut.  That's right.  I was ignoring my 5:30 a.m. alarm and my Vibrams sitting next to the door.  If they had eyes, those pathetic looking things would have gazed up at me with watery baby blues and blinked back tears of un-use.  They would have said, "Please take us out - we haven't felt the pavement in ages."  But I turned my back and walked out the door...they weren't getting any action from me.

I don't know what got me into the rut in the first place.  Actually, strike that.  I know exactly what happened.  I ran a 10k race in Valencia (the one for the Brenda Mehling Cancer Fund).  I was the second female finisher and first in my age group (go me!).  That race was on a Saturday, so on Sunday, I said to myself - "you ran a PR and deserve a day of rest."  Then on Monday, I said to myself - "you're still a little sore, so take another day off."  One day turned into four and then snowballed into a few weeks.  I didn't drink enough water during the day, so I was getting headaches.  I was eating crappy food because I didn't have the energy to cook something.  I was probably grumpy.  And you know the worst part?  I had no desire to leave the rut.  I literally had no inclination to do anything more than a slow meander while walking the pup.  It was that bad.

Fortunately for everyone involved, I've snapped out of it. What makes me a little sad, though, is what got me out onto the pavement.  There was no internal motivation or need to feel the endorphins. It wasn't like Pre suddenly came down from the clouds and told me to get my butt in gear.  Nope, nothing awesome like that.

It was a wedding invitation and a potential beach party. Yup, I've turned into the girl that you hate at the gym who comes to run on the treadmill in four coordinating tank tops, full makeup and bangles that make so much noise you have to turn your iPod all the way up to drown out the sound.  And of course you know she only shows up about 3 weeks before Spring Break '06.  Ugh.  How has this happened?  Why am I being motivated by a tight dress and a bikini?  Sure, I bet that most people who exercise have some sort of thing like this pushing them to get out of bed in the morning.  But that is definitely not me.  I've never really worried about being skinny or fitting into a size 0.  Why now?

So the real question is does the background behind motivation matter as long as it pushes you to run that extra block or do one more set of lunges?  Should I run with it (pun intended) and not worry so much?  That's what I'm going to try to do and hopefully as I get back into the groove that I love, I'll realize that it's more than a body size or a look in the mirror.  Hopefully that happens before I start matching my running outfits!